How to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things: 4 Steps

Join our online event and learn the best calming strategies for kids during tantrums, hitting, or when they say hurtful things. Learn how to deal with tantrums and get your kids to listen without yelling. Build a healthy parent-child relationship.

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calming strategies for kids

Here Is What Our Experts in Parenting Have to Say on how to calm kids and yourself

Does the mission of being a parent sometimes become exhausting? Do you wish to learn how to be a better parent without yelling? Would you like to have a calm atmosphere in your home, without shouting or crying? You want to find out how to deal with tantrums?

Most parents try to educate their children through old and inefficient methods. Although shouting or hitting may have an immediate effect on the child, in the long run, the psychological effects of yelling at a child or beating him are significantly harmful.

All people are a collection of states and emotions, and it’s not always easy to control ourselves. Join our upcoming event and discover practical and efficient calm down strategies for kids experiencing tantrums and uncontrollable crying.

Learn simple yet effective techniques that can assist your children in managing their emotions and finding peace. Improve your parenting skills and your child’s well-being with our proven methods. We’ll teach you the most efficient calming strategies for kids.

Join Us at Our Event to Learn How to Calm Kids During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things

Anger is an uncontrollable state that grows exponentially. As parents, we often lose our calm when our children don’t listen to us. We shout or even hit them, and later we are flooded with regret. Somewhere in our subconscious we know what we’re doing is wrong, but we can’t help it. We find ourselves being those parents who have anger issues and don’t know how else to solve the problem.

In turn, children react with anger. They often yell back, hit themselves, or throw tantrums. The communication between parent and child deteriorates rapidly, and the question you most often ask yourself is: “Why don’t I have patience with my child?” Every parent wants to balance their own emotions and frustrations with the guilt they feel following aggressive behavior towards their child. As with anything, balance is the key to success!

Best Calming Strategies for Kids and Yourself

It’s important to recognize that yelling, hitting, or screaming hurtful things at your child can have long-lasting psychological effects on them. These effects can include low self-esteem, anxiety, and even depression. As parents, it’s our responsibility to find ways to manage our own anger and also discover calm down strategies for kids.

One approach to supporting your children in managing their emotions is by acquiring the skills to encourage them to remain calm and cooperate. It is crucial to recognize that children are not inherently defiant or disrespectful. They are merely attempting to navigate their surroundings.

As parents, we can support them by promoting their confidence and offering positive reinforcement for good behavior. By doing so, we can enhance their self-assurance and, consequently, decrease the chances of tantrums occurring.

Understanding the science behind your child’s tantrums can help you respond in a more effective way. It’s important to remain calm during these situations, as children often throw tantrums because they don’t yet have the communication skills to express their emotions effectively.

If your child continues to scream, it may be helpful to remove them from the situation temporarily. This can help them calm down and give you both a chance to take a step back and regroup. Once your child has calmed down, it’s important to have a conversation with them about what happened and why it’s important to communicate their feelings in a healthier way.

As caregivers, it’s important to regulate your emotions and teach your child to do the same. By understanding how unhealthy interactions, like being yelled at, can impact your child’s development, you can encourage effective communication and foster healthy relationships. This can lead to stronger emotional bonds between you and your child.

Join us for an online event that will transform your parenting and bring peace into your home. Learn how to talk so kids will listen and respect the rules without endless negotiations, pleading, or punishment.

If you participate live you can ask questions that concern you.
Can't participate live? Recordings available until 24:00.

Your Parenting Trainer

Lead Trainer at All About Parenting

Patrick Ney is a Neurodevelopmental Specialist who has been working with parents at All About Parenting for 5 years. He is husband to Maja and father to 2 beautiful daughters, Zofia and Mia. Patrick joined All About Parenting, determined to become a better parent before becoming a Certified Trainer. To date, he has run over 1000 workshops, events, and masterclasses for more than 100,000 parents.

Patrick is certified in a range of other methodologies, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and the HANDLE Methodology for neurodiverse children. He is a Certified DIR Floortime Practitioner and has been described as a ‘natural born play therapist.’ Patrick bases his work with parents on neuroscience, studying Applied Neuroscience at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience at King’s College London. Patrick has appeared as a TEDx speaker, and his first book, ‘The Storm: How To Stop Shouting At Your Kids’ will be published in Autumn 2022.

But more than anything else, Patrick is a father. His love for his daughters has led him on a journey to being a better dad for his girls and sharing that story with other parents. His work inspires thousands of parents to start learning parenting, and he shares both his successes and his many failures.

Frequently Asked Questions

It is common for a baby hitting its head with hands to self-soothe. We talk about the effective ways to calm a child in our free online masterclass “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things.”

While the behavior you talk about may look alarming to adults, it is usually not a sign of any serious medical or psychological issue. Head-banging is a self-comforting behavior that some babies use to help themselves fall asleep or deal with stress or anxiety. It can also be a way for babies to release energy or frustration when feeling restless or bored. As your baby grows, they will develop other ways to manage their emotions, such as using words or physical activities.

Remember that tantrums and head banging are a normal part of the development and the child’s way of expressing their frustration or anger. Tantrums can start as early as 9 months old and typically peak between 18 to 24 months old. However, every child is unique; some may have tantrums earlier or later.

When tantrums occur, it is essential to stay calm and be patient. Kids calm down faster when their caregivers are composed and respond reassuringly. Comfort your child with a soothing voice or a hug, and offer simple choices to redirect their attention. As your child grows and learns to regulate their emotions, they will be better equipped to manage their frustrations without resorting to tantrums.

Need more practical solutions on this or other topics? Sophie, our clever AI assistant, is ready to help you.

Being concerned about your child’s behavior is understandable, especially if it involves aggression toward others and self-harm. Regrettably, these behaviors are not uncommon in school settings, where children are frequently exposed to high-stress levels.

The competitive nature of school environments, the pressure to succeed academically, and social interactions with peers can all contribute to emotional instability in children, leading to impulsive and harmful behaviors. For better understanding what causes youth violence, you can attend our free online masterclass “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things”.

First, offer empathy and support. Although the first reaction might be to get angry and punish your child, you have to know that, after an episode like this, children might look for someone who is on their side. This person should be a responsible adult figure rather than a peer.

Help your child learn alternative ways of overcoming their violent tendencies, such as taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or walking away from a situation that makes them angry. When you are both calm, address the behavior, classify it as unacceptable, and create a plan to prevent it.

Second, identify any triggers contributing to your child’s behavior, such as stress at home or at school. If necessary, consider changing your child’s environment to reduce stress and increase support.

Changing schools might not be an option for your child if he has friends there. Conversely, although it’s not advised as a first measure, changing the environment is probably better if the behavior becomes a recurrent thing. This is especially relevant if you see great differences between the behavior at home and school.

Supporting your child’s emotional development is vital to help them learn how to manage their emotions in healthy ways. Encouraging open communication, teaching coping strategies, validating their emotions, modeling healthy behavior, and seeking professional help are all effective ways to support your child’s emotional development.

There are several ways to calm a hyperactive child during a tantrum. We address this topic in our online free masterclass “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things”.

Parents are advised to avoid yelling or physically restraining a child during tantrums. Tantrums are an emotional response that can create intense sensations in the child’s body, and reacting with aggression or force can escalate the situation.

First, try to identify what triggers the tantrum and avoid those situations. If you notice that your child becomes overwhelmed in crowded places or at parties, try to limit the amount of time spent in those environments.

Another way to stop 3 year old tantrums is to provide your child with a quiet, safe space to calm down. For example, If your child becomes upset or has a tantrum, try taking them to a quiet area away from the crowds and noise to help them calm down. This could be a separate room or even outside. Encourage your child to take deep breaths or engage in calming activities like coloring or reading a book.

For dealing with 3 year old tantrums, offer empathy and reassurance to your child. This can include teaching children how to use words to express their needs and feelings. Speak in a soothing, calm voice, offering support and guidance when your child struggles.

Start by creating quiet zones in all shared spaces. Children are unique individuals and have different personalities, needs, and rhythms. Some children may be more introverted and require alone time to recharge, while others may be more extroverted and crave social interaction. We talk about these differences in our free online masterclass “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things”.

Conflicts and territorial issues can arise when children feel their personal space or belongings are invaded or threatened. For example, a child may feel upset if another child takes their favorite toy without permission or sits in their designated spot during circle time. These territorial conflicts can be challenging to manage, as children may feel protective of their space and belongings. Provide children with a designated area where they can go to calm down and have some alone time.

Next, help them become more mindful by teaching calming techniques for kids. Teach children how to take deep breaths in through their noses and out through their mouths. This can help them regulate their breathing and calm their body down. Encourage children to imagine themselves in a peaceful and relaxing environment, such as a beach or a forest. This can help distract them from their current situation and calm their mind. Playing soft and relaxing music is one of the calming strategies for kids that can also help them reduce stress.

Additionally, introducing calm down strategies for kids that are a bit more active, allowing children to release their energy through physical activity such as running, jumping, or dancing. Provide children sensory items such as stress balls, fidget toys, or playdough. This can help them burn off excess energy and release tension.

All these valuable strategies can help them reframe their thoughts and approach situations with a more positive mindset, becoming calmer and more resilient.

Need more practical solutions on this or other topics? Sophie, our clever AI assistant, is ready to help you.

Young children may lash out physically when they are feeling overwhelmed or upset. However, they also need to learn that there are better ways to manage their emotions. In our free online masterclass, “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child During Tantrums, Hitting or Yelling Hurtful Things”, you can find valuable strategies to help you support your daughter when she is feeling angry or upset.

Start by showing empathy. Acknowledge her feelings and let her know it’s okay to feel upset: “I see that something is bothering you right now; “I’m here to help if you need me!”. Teach a child to control their emotions, such as taking deep breaths, counting to 10, or hugging a stuffed animal.

Next, ask for permission to pick her up or hold her hand. We want to be supportive figures for our children, especially when they are experiencing distress. However, while some children may find physical contact calming and reassuring when upset, others may feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed by physical touch.

By asking for permission, you are also teaching your child about the importance of consent and boundaries regarding physical touch. This can help them develop a healthy understanding of personal space and physical boundaries, an important skill as they grow older.

Offering your child a choice between space or closeness depending on their needs can help them feel more in control and respected, improving their emotional regulation. This allows them to express their preferences and helps them develop a better understanding of their emotional state and how to manage emotions effectively.

Masterclass rating

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<As a soon-to-be mom, my thirst for knowledge about positive parenting and being a calm parent knows no bounds. I’m determined to gather all the information I can to give my child the best education possible. In doing so, I came across this course that has helped me change my perspective.

Contrary to what I was led to believe, creating a peaceful and calm environment for my child is not as daunting as it seemed. The trainer’s invaluable insights into dealing with children’s emotions and understanding the causes of their anger were eye-opening. Why am I giving this review? Because I was thrilled to see that this course was based on scientific evidence, which gave me an extra dose of confidence and trust. It has given me a lot of comfort and security on my journey as a future parent. With this newfound knowledge, I feel equipped to tackle the challenges that lie ahead.



Those free online parenting classes that you have are a bliss! I have attended all of them, but this one was my favorite. I was never a big fan of emotions because I’m more of a practical, rational person, but wow what a major difference it makes when you get down to your child’s level and say “I hear you, girl, you’re upset right now”. I could not believe it! I used all the logical explanations in the world to calm her down, when in reality all I was doing was making her suppress her feelings. I thought I was doing fine because I was not berating her, but then I realized I was no better because I was not supporting my child in this at all. Thank you so much for making me realize that I can do much better!



You know those moments when kids get upset and you wonder what to do? In the masterclass you will gain valuable calming strategies for your children. Basically, you can learn how to help your child release that anger in a healthier way. They’ve got some awesome techniques that show you how to guide your child and give them alternative ways to deal with their anger. It is about creating a safe space for them to express their feelings and teaching them how to manage their frustration. Also, the book is very well researched, which made me feel I would get some solid strategies. That was enough to convince me to try it with my own kids, and let me tell you, it works! Breathing exercises, setting boundaries, and how to talk so kids will listen are just some of the tools they teach you. It’s amazing to see how understanding what’s going on in their minds can change family life.



As a parent who has experienced the storm of tantrums, hitting, and hurtful words, I can’t recommend the “4 Steps to Calm You And Your Child” Masterclass enough! It’s been a game-changer in our household, bringing peace and understanding during tough moments.
This masterclass is a true gem, offering practical and effective techniques that not only calm your child but also empower you as a parent. The expert guidance and insightful strategies provided have transformed the way we handle difficult situations, and it has made a world of difference. I was amazed at how quickly we saw positive results after implementing the techniques. Now, tantrums are becoming less frequent, and we’ve witnessed a significant improvement in our child’s ability to communicate their emotions constructively. The methods taught have also helped me stay composed during tense moments, fostering a stronger connection with my child. Thank you, All About Parenting!



I needed to know why my baby hit his head with his hand because I thought I was doing something wrong. All my beliefs changed with this amazing program.



I can not even begin to express how grateful I am to have stumbled upon your free course. It was truly a godsend for me. The trainer’s approach, his composure and the solutions he imparted were an absolute godsend in dealing with my child’s temper tantrums. I have to admit that prior to taking the course, I often felt overwhelmed when confronted with these violent outbursts. It was like I was constantly walking on eggshells and did not know how to handle the situation without losing my cool. But now I feel like I have a secret weapon up my sleeve. They have taught me how to react in a calmer and more composed manner. I feel prepared to weather the storm and help my child. And I can tell you that the progress I’ve witnessed in my child‘s behavior is truly remarkable. It’s like a weight has been lifted off both of our shoulders. If you are wondering how to deal with temper tantrums, I wholeheartedly recommend you give these guys a try. Thank you so much for bringing back the joy and serenity I thought I had lost forever.



I never realized how harmful yelling at my child could be until I took this class a few days ago. I thought raising my voice was a normal part of discipline, but I was wrong. In the few hours I spent with the trainer, I learned the long-lasting effects of yelling on a child‘s emotional well-being. I have realized that my words have a powerful impact on my child and that it’s my responsibility to control myself and show my child how to do the same. 

I’m glad I found you! I got out of the habit of yelling and started looking for ways to calm myself down before asking my child to do so. I am excited about this new way of parenting, even though it’s a lot of work to break habits. And you know what the best part is? You can see that my son has also become calmer, simply because I have my anger under control. Thank you!



“What is wrong with my children? Why are they acting this way? What is wrong with me? Why can’t they listen to me?” These were the questions that constantly ran through my mind as a parent struggling with my children’s behavior. I felt lost and angry and wondered if I was doing something fundamentally wrong.

You helped me understand that my children’s behavior was neither a reflection of their character nor a personal failing on my part. Instead, I learned to look beyond the surface and explore the reasons for their actions. I learned about emotions, and how to talk to the child and show them I’m there for them. I did not realize that children’s behavior is often due to unmet needs, emotions they can not yet express, or simply being overwhelmed by the world around them.

One thing I can tell you, after I tried to be more respectful of my children’s feelings they started listening to me more and talking to me about what was going on in their lives. Thank you for all you do for parents!



I would like to share my experience and tell how this program has made a significant difference in my life and my child’s behavior. As a concerned parent, I was faced with a difficult situation when my kid was hitting other kids with a chair at school. It was a distressing time, and I felt lost, feeling like a failure. Then, while searching for a way to deal with my child, I discovered your masterclass about how to calm down a child. It gave me hope and motivated me to invest in the programme. Learning from it was a turning point for both of us. I learned how to talk about anger with my child and I understood this issue better for myself as well. I did not realize that the way I was talking to him was making him angrier. I am so glad it is over and I am no longer that parent.

I want to express my appreciation to you for developing such a program. Your dedication and expertise have made a huge difference in my life and my child’s well being. Thank you for giving us the information we needed!



Being a parent is an adventurous journey, at least for me it is. If you want to understand the science behind your child’s tantrums, you’re in the right place. This amazing program incorporates the latest research in the field of parenting. I highly recommend it!



My husband and I attended this free event and we could not believe how much free information we received for our parenting issues. Our 18 months old was hitting herself, she screamed every time we took her out of our arms, and it became too much for us. Attending the event was a turning point for us. Seeing other parents who were facing similar challenges and sharing their experiences made us feel less alone. We started to apply some of the information we received in the course about temper tantrum at this age. We found out why babies hit themselves and how to help her in those moments. We have already subscribed to the program. Your commitment to helping parents like us does not go unnoticed and we have already recommended you to everyone we know with children. Thank you, thank you so much!



If you are a parent and need to learn how to deal with toddler tantrums, you must buy this program. It made a huge difference in the way I approach my son’s behavior now. Thank you, All About Parenting!



If you’re ready to break free from the cycle of stress, anger, and negative emotions, and find peace give this class a try. I got to understand why my baby was acting weird. For example, one of the things that I couldn’t get was when my baby was hitting her head with her hand. Or she would have these intense meltdowns where she would scream and cry inconsolably. It was incredibly distressing to watch her and feel helpless about how to calm her down. I was not helping the situation at all by telling her to stop or that everything was okay or that she had no reason to cry. I can not tell you how lucky I am to have found these people and learn how to talk to my child when she is struggling with her big emotions. Thank you All About Parenting, you are now part of our family!

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