How to Get Kids to Listen? 5 Steps to Get What You Want from Your Child Without Getting Angry or Giving in

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how to get kids to listen

Here Is What Our Experts in Parenting Have to Say

Why is it important to put ourselves in our children‘s shoes and understand their attitude when they say “NO!”? Is this going to make any difference and will they want to help with easy chores for kids, turn off the tablet or do homework on time, without the use of threats? Let’s find out.

It’s easy to get frustrated when they won’t sit down for dinner or to pick up their toys, or do their homework and you often ask yourself how to get kids to listen without yelling.  But have you considered how your child may feel in those moments? Maybe they’re tired or overwhelmed or just need a break.

When we raise our voices, it can be even harder for them to express how they’re feeling. If you’re wondering how to get kids to listen, you may explore some helpful techniques that promote effective communication and cooperation.

So, how can we make them listen without triggering their fear of being punished or threatened again?

Join Us at Our Event to Learn How to Get Kids to Listen Without Yelling

We often hear parents express a deep desire to connect with their children in a more meaningful way. As parents, we want to understand what drives them, what motivates them, and what makes them unique individuals.

However, it’s easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We find ourselves struggling to communicate with our kids, to get them to listen and engage with us.

We’ve all been there …

We’ve all been there – that moment when we become the screaming mom, frustrated and overwhelmed, wondering where we went wrong. But it’s important to remember that it’s never too late to make a change. By taking the time to understand what motivates your child, you can create a stronger, more meaningful relationship with them.

Imagine waking up each morning to find your son or your daughter jumping out of bed, ready to tackle the day. Picture your kid taking on his chores with a sense of pride and excitement, eager to prove his worth and make a difference. Envision your child coming to you with what troubles him, confident that you will listen and support him through any challenge.

This is not a pipe dream – it’s within reach. By investing in your relationship with your child and taking the time to understand what makes them unique, you can unlock their full potential and help them become the best version of themselves.

Understand What Motivates Your Child – 3 Key Aspects

Are you wondering what to do when your kid is not listening? But how do you go about understanding what motivates your child?

1. Evaluate How You Speak with Your Child

Ask yourself, “Am I the yelling parent who’s always demanding and wants everything to be done now?” This can make it easier for you to understand how to talk so kids will listen.

What works well with kids is to actively listen to them. This means putting aside your own thoughts and opinions for a moment and tuning in to what your child is saying. When your child feels you have entered his world it becomes simpler to cooperate.

2. Every Refusal from Your Child Is Related to Their Experiences

Remember that every refusal from your child is about their experiences and how they are feeling at that moment. By learning to decipher their behavior, you can connect the dots of what is driving their actions and respond in a way that is both empathetic and supportive.

This approach is crucial when considering how to get kids to listen, as it allows you to tailor your communication and interactions to their individual needs. It’s also valuable to remember that children have their own unique way of processing information and understanding the world around them.

At dinner time, they might just simply say “No, I don’t want to eat, I’m not hungry.” When faced with such situations, many parents tend to take the child’s refusal as a personal affront and respond by expressing their own feelings, without considering the child’s perspective.

3. Refusals Might Come from the Way You Ask Children to Do Something

Tailoring your communication style to match your child’s age and development level can make a big difference in how well they listen and respond to you. For example, younger children might respond better to simple, direct instructions, while older children might need more detailed explanations and reasoning to fully understand the situation.

Let Us Help You on Your Journey on How to Get Kids to Listen with a Positive Parent Approach

It’s not always an easy journey – it requires patience, perseverance, and a willingness to adapt. But the payoff is immense. You are not alone! So don’t wait another day to start connecting with your child on a deeper level and discover the strategies and techniques on how to get kids to listen.

Don’t let the stresses of everyday life get in the way of building a strong and meaningful relationship with your child. Take the time to understand what motivates them, and watch as they blossom into the confident, capable individuals they were always meant to be. Discover what to do when your kid is not listening and also how to talk so kids will listen.

Join us for an online Event if you want to discover effective strategies to gain your child’s attention, foster respect for rules, and cultivate cooperation without resorting to constant negotiations, beginnings, threats or punishment. Our parenting experts will teach you how to get kids to listen without yelling.

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Your Parenting Trainer

Lead Trainer at All About Parenting

Patrick Ney is a Neurodevelopmental Specialist who has been working with parents at All About Parenting for 5 years. He is husband to Maja and father to 2 beautiful daughters, Zofia and Mia. Patrick joined All About Parenting, determined to become a better parent before becoming a Certified Trainer. To date, he has run over 1000 workshops, events, and masterclasses for more than 100,000 parents.

Patrick is certified in a range of other methodologies, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and the HANDLE Methodology for neurodiverse children. He is a Certified DIR Floortime Practitioner and has been described as a ‘natural born play therapist.’ Patrick bases his work with parents on neuroscience, studying Applied Neuroscience at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience at King’s College London. Patrick has appeared as a TEDx speaker, and his first book, ‘The Storm: How To Stop Shouting At Your Kids’ will be published in Autumn 2022.

But more than anything else, Patrick is a father. His love for his daughters has led him on a journey to being a better dad for his girls and sharing that story with other parents. His work inspires thousands of parents to start learning parenting, and he shares both his successes and his many failures.

Frequently Asked Questions

Encouraging your child to help with household chores is a great way to teach them important values like responsibility and independence. In our masterclass, ‘5 Steps to Get What You Want from Your Child Without Getting Angry or Giving In,’ we provide more information on this topic. If you’re eager to learn how to get your kids to listen, be sure to join this online parenting class.

At 5 years old, your child is capable of handling simple tasks with supervision so you can teach him how to be responsible.

  • Explain why it is important to be responsible and transfer more responsibility for personal belongings. You could do that by asking him to make his bed in the morning, and sort laundry by color.
  • Invite your kid to observe and take part in family cleaning routines and preparations. It can be folding small items like washcloths and socks, putting away their clothes in their drawers, and setting the table for meals. Watering plants is a great way to teach your child about the importance of caring for living things and the environment. Dusting and sweeping can also teach your child about cleanliness and the importance of keeping a tidy space.
  • Remember to provide guidance and supervision when assigning chores to your children, and praise them for their efforts! As they become more comfortable with their assigned chores, gradually give them more tasks and freedom to do them by themselves. Taking responsibility for kids is not about doing everything for them, but rather guiding them step by step toward independence. Your child will feel a great sense of competence, which will serve him well in other areas of their life.

Children don’t need us to do everything for them. They need us to guide them step by step toward independence.

If you feel you need more explanations on this topic our friendly virtual assistant Sophie can give you more information.

When it comes to how to cooperate, it can get frustrating when your children resist doing the things you ask them to do. However, there are strategies you can use to avoid fighting and encourage your children to be more cooperative.

  • Give your children a choice between two tasks. This can give them a sense of control and help them be more willing to cooperate. For example, instead of telling your child to clean their room, you could ask them if they would like to put away their toys first or tidy up their bed.
  • Turn a task into a game. This can also be an effective way to reduce resistance. Turning cleaning up into a race or a challenge can make chores fun and enjoyable. It can be exactly what motivates your child to complete the task. This can be particularly effective for younger children.
  • Use positive language. This can also make a big difference. Instead of telling your toddler what not to do, use positive language to frame your requests. For example, instead of saying “Don’t play with your toys,” say “Let’s finish playing, and then we’ll tidy up together.” This approach can make your children feel better about the interaction and more willing to cooperate.

Establishing a routine for chores can also be helpful. When chores are part of a regular routine, children are more likely to complete them without resistance.

The playground is indeed a great place to start teaching children valuable social skills. The process of sharing is quite complex because children need to fully understand the concept of possession. Parents should also respect children’s choices and not force them to share their toys.

When do kids understand sharing and the importance of sharing? This is a question that many parents ponder as they navigate the complexities of teaching their children about generosity and empathy.

Sharing is not an innate behavior for young children. Typically, around the age of two or three, children begin to show signs of understanding the basic idea of sharing, although their ability to do so consistently may vary.

  • Talk about sharing and set clear expectations. Discuss with your children the concept of kids sharing toys and the value it holds in building positive relationships. Talk to your children about taking toys that they are willing to share, alongside the ones they prefer to keep for themselves. Respect your child’s decisions and boundaries. If they’re not comfortable sharing a toy, it’s OK for them to make that choice.
  • Model sharing and turn-taking behavior. Share snacks or toys with your children and with other children at the playground. Encourage them to take turns. These are great ways to help your children understand that sharing doesn’t mean giving up their toys forever. Explain that allowing other children to play with the toys they’ve selected is not only kind but might also be fun. Praise your children when they share their toys with other kids.

These strategies will help kids not sharing understand that allowing others to play with their toys can be a positive and enjoyable experience.

At the age of 10, your son is ready to take on more responsibilities around the house. If you feel you are struggling with making your child listen to you, we offer practical solutions.

Let’s discuss some ideas for a chores list that might be suitable for your son.

  • Encourage your child to take responsibility for their own belongings. Have him make an inventory of all the things he owns and show him how to take care of them. Laundry and making his bed is a good start. One way your son can help with laundry is by sorting clothes by color, folding clean clothes, and putting them away in their place. This can teach him organizational skills and also help him understand the importance of taking care of his clothing. Make him aware of the fact that having more belongings means investing more time in taking care of them. This will give him the choice to keep only the things that he can take care of and give the rest away.
  • Make a list of other chores that need to be done around the house. Tell him that the chores need to be divided between all family members. Make some fun chores charts. Allow him to choose the ones that appeal to him. Although there are many chores for teenagers he might prefer vacuuming over sweeping, dusting furniture and surfaces over washing dishes, and loading and unloading the dishwasher over putting dishes away. Taking out the trash is another chore that your son can help with.

It’s important to give praise when your son completes a chore. This will help him understand the importance of his contributions and encourage him to continue helping out around the house. With your encouragement, your son can learn valuable life skills and become more responsible and independent.

So, don’t be afraid to ask him to help with chores. By doing so, you are teaching your kid the importance of teamwork and responsibility, and helping him develop habits that will serve him well throughout his life.

Disciplining children can be challenging, especially when they are young. But as parents, we want to help them learn right from wrong and behave appropriately.

When it comes to natural consequences for kids when misbehaving we strongly encourage parents to search for effective solutions that don’t involve punishment. If you look around, many parents are still trying to teach children a lesson by using violence as a consequence for their bad behavior. This is just a quick fix and the child’s behavior improves temporarily. That’s why parents should not hit their child in order to correct the child’s actions, but to try to understand how to use natural and logical consequences that promote healthy behavior and respect.

Firstly, set clear rules and expectations. Before talking about consequences for behavior, make sure that they’re aware of what’s expected of them. Misbehavior usually comes from a lack of consistency in enforcing rules. It might also come from their need to test boundaries. How to do this effectively, without making the child suffer is discussed in our masterclass “5 Steps to get what you want from your child, without getting angry or giving in”

Secondly, give choices within the limits you set and explain what are some consequences of their actions. This will give them the opportunity to verbalize their opinions and feel part of the decision-making process. Offer praise to your children for good behavior. Small gestures such as a high five, a hug, or you tell them “I’m proud of you for how much effort you put in” (complete with something they have put effort for). This will encourage them to continue making good choices.

Thirdly, use natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences are the outcomes that occur as a result of a child’s behavior, while logical consequences are outcomes that are directly related to the child’s behavior, but are imposed by the parent. When using consequences, it’s important to be clear, consistent, use age-appropriate logical consequences, and be empathic to help children learn responsibility and accountability for their actions.

In conclusion, discipline is about helping children learn life skills like self-control, responsibility, and making good choices. Be patient, consistent, and try different approaches until you find what works for your family.

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All parent reviews



I never realized how harmful yelling at my child could be until I took this class a few days ago. I thought raising my voice was a normal part of discipline, but I was wrong. In the few hours I spent with the trainer, I learned the long-lasting effects of yelling on a child‘s emotional well-being. I have realized that my words have a powerful impact on my child and that it’s my responsibility to control myself and show my child how to do the same. 

I’m glad I found you! I got out of the habit of yelling and started looking for ways to calm myself down before asking my child to do so. I am excited about this new way of parenting, even though it’s a lot of work to break habits. And you know what the best part is? You can see that my son has also become calmer, simply because I have my anger under control. Thank you!



If I got a nickel for how many times I said “Good job!” to my kid, I’d probably be rich. I like what you said about children’s motivation. My daughter wouldn’t do anything for herself. It is as if she is addicted to praise. If I disapprove of something, she shuts down. We need to work on this inner motivation. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention.



“What is wrong with my children? Why are they acting this way? What is wrong with me? Why can’t they listen to me?” These were the questions that constantly ran through my mind as a parent struggling with my children’s behavior. I felt lost and angry and wondered if I was doing something fundamentally wrong.

You helped me understand that my children’s behavior was neither a reflection of their character nor a personal failing on my part. Instead, I learned to look beyond the surface and explore the reasons for their actions. I learned about emotions, and how to talk to the child and show them I’m there for them. I did not realize that children’s behavior is often due to unmet needs, emotions they can not yet express, or simply being overwhelmed by the world around them.

One thing I can tell you, after I tried to be more respectful of my children’s feelings they started listening to me more and talking to me about what was going on in their lives. Thank you for all you do for parents!



The 3 Basic Psychological Needs was a new concept for me. I also found out that I may be an overly permissive parent. I don’t assign chores for my kids and try to cover for them when they don’t do their homework. I never linked this to them becoming irresponsible or lacking motivation, but it all makes sense. I was too busy trying to keep them happy and comfortable without thinking about the long-term effects. I am ready to rethink my methods.



When my son was born 15 years ago, we did not have access to the kind of information and resources that are available today. We did our best as parents, but as he entered his teens, I realized that sometimes our best efforts alone were not enough. I believe it’s never too late to change, and that’s why I’m here. Attending this event made me rethink some things about my parenting. I’ve come to understand that when my child pushes me away, it is not just a typical teenage phase that will pass. It is a sign that something deeper needs to be addressed. I used to think that was just part of growing up, but I overlooked the deeper issues my child was facing.

Thank you, All About Parenting, for providing this valuable insight. They’ve helped me see that my son‘s behavior is a cry for help, and it’s my responsibility to be there for him.



Picture this. You come home after a hard day’s work. Homework is done, chores are finished and all you have to do is spend some quality time with your family. This parenting class showed me that motivation for kids comes from their psychological well-being. Although it’s hard work, I wouldn’t go back to power struggles, yelling, and punishments.



Do you know what happens when I give my kids chores? They tell me it’s my house and I should do all the cleaning. That it was my choice to have kids, and I should’ve expected the mess. It will be a long journey for us to get back on track, but I plan on becoming consistent with these 5 steps. This is a great class for overwhelmed parents.



I thought I had difficult children. I now see that I was doing everything backwards. I was trying to spark my children’s internal motivation by rewarding them. “Read three more pages, and you get an hour of screen time”. I negotiated everything, and the price kept going up. Without this course, I probably would have made this the worst habit of their lives. I will recommend it to others. I see these parenting mistakes in many of my friends. 



My child would not do anything I ask, but when my wife puts him to the hardest chores, he doesn’t even blink and gets on with it. After this class, I understand why. It’s in my parenting style. I don’t invest time and patience in our relationship as she does. A friend suggested these classes and I’m happy he did. We need to become better fathers.



I have two grandsons. A toddler and a teenager. When I have the kids over, I have to speak two different languages. I’m a big fan of the All About Parenting classes. Sometimes I have friends over, and we all watch the episodes together. We all see improvements in our relationship with our grandkids when following the methods.



I have to say that it was hard for me to find time for this class. I’ve registered three times before, but I had to cancel. I’m so happy I registered again. The information was so relatable and easy to follow. Most of us parents don’t know how to talk so our kids will listen. Open communication was not a part of my childhood, and sadly, I now realize I’m being too harsh with my kids sometimes. Great class, great presentation. It’s worth every minute. I feel like I’ve read five parenting books in two hours.



This class helped me before with my eldest. Now, my 5-year-old isn’t listening in kindergarten, and I feel overwhelmed by the teacher’s complaints. I will recommend the class to them. I feel these are valuable tools for teachers, too, not just parents. I have the program but love these live events. I learn something new every time.



If someone had told me that they assign chores for toddlers and they actually do them, I would’ve laughed in their faces. In this parenting class, I learned that it is scientifically proven that age-appropriate chores can start that early and teach children to be independent and responsible. My daughter is now 2.5 years old. I would have started chores at 7 or 8 when she most likely would have refused to do them. I’m so happy I signed up for this event. It’s easier for me to watch a video than to read a book or surf the net. Keep up the good work with these classes for parents. They are so valuable.

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