Practice Patient Parenting and Avoid Yelling at Your Kids

Reading time: 11 minutes
Written by
| Updated on
September 20, 2023
Reviewed by parenting expert
Parents need to stop yelling and threatening their children and start practicing patient parenting

What you’ll learn

Parents yell at their children because it works. It gets them to listen and it's an instant fix to misbehavior. However, yelling can cause damage to the parent-child relationship and the child's emotional development over time.

Yelling is a common tactic used by parents to get their children’s attention and improve their behavior. 

There are several strategies on how to stop yelling at your kids you can use to practice patient parenting. Keep reading and you’ll be rewarded with actual tips you can use today to help you refrain from yelling at your children. 

Parents yell at their children because it works. It gets them to listen and it’s an instant fix to misbehavior. However, yelling can cause damage to the parent-child relationship and the child’s emotional development over time.

Understanding the Triggers That Lead to Parent Yelling at Kid

How to stop yelling when angry

Parents can have certain emotional triggers or “buttons” that make them feel out of control. These triggers can be caused by a variety of factors, such as past experiences, cultural upbringing, personal beliefs, or simply not understanding what’s behind their kids’ behavior. There comes a certain point when you no longer know how to stop yelling at your kids.

For example, a parent who was raised in a household where yelling was a common form of communication may be more likely to yell themselves. Similarly, a parent who has high expectations for their child’s behavior may become easily frustrated when those expectations are not met.

It is important to understand your own triggers, your own feelings, and why you may resort to yelling. This can be an important step in reducing impulsive reactions toward your child and the key to understanding how to practice self-control and how to stop yelling at your kids. 

By identifying the root causes of your anger or frustration, you can devise your own strategies on how to stop yelling at your kids in a healthy way. Think of alternative ways to communicate with your child, seek support from others, and practice self-care to improve your overall emotional well-being.

The Impact of Yelling on Children’s Brains 

Yelling and harsh parenting don’t help. Instead, they have negative impacts on a child’s emotional and psychological development. These consequences can manifest in various ways, including changes in brain structure and function. 

For example, the amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions, can become overactive in children who are frequently exposed to yelling and harsh parenting. This overactivity can result in an increased sensitivity to threatening situations, leading to a heightened “fight-or-flight” response. 

As a result, children may become more reactive to stressors and exhibit negative emotional responses, such as anxiety, fear, and anger. This is why it is critical to understand how to stop yelling and threatening your child as a parent.

Moreover, the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, can be affected by frequent yelling. Studies have shown that chronic stress, which can be caused by such parenting techniques, can result in a smaller hippocampus. This can lead to memory deficits and difficulties with learning and retaining information.

Additionally, it is crucial to explore alternative parenting strategies, such as how to parent without yelling, in order to mitigate the impact on the prefrontal cortex. This is responsible for regulating emotions and making decisions and can also be impacted by yelling and harsh parenting. When exposed to chronic stress, such as that caused by harsh parenting, the prefrontal cortex can become less efficient in its functions. This can lead to a reduced ability to regulate emotions and make decisions, further contributing to negative outcomes.

Although not visible, all these changes in brain structure can have a life-long impact on children’s social adjustment, self-esteem, and overall well-being. Be aware of these intrinsic phenomena and you’re halfway through getting to the bottom of how to stop yelling at your kids. 

👉Are you looking to explore more on the way parents influence the development of their children? Head over to our article and understand the impact from a variety of perspectives: physical, emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and social!

Strategies for Practicing Patient Parenting or How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids

As parents often wonder, “Will my toddler remember me shouting?”, the significance of practicing patient parenting cannot be stressed enough. It not only helps establish a healthy and positive dynamic between parents and children but also encourages effective communication. It aids in developing emotional regulation skills in children and cultivates an overall peaceful and nurturing family atmosphere. This will reduce the tantrums, acting-outs, and power struggles.

1. Problem-Solving Techniques

Reacting emotionally to a situation means responding based on your immediate emotions without taking the time to think things through. The first step in problem-solving is to identify the problem. 

Take a step back and think about the reasons your child doesn’t listen when you speak. Is your child misbehaving because they’re hungry, tired, or bored? Is there a deeper issue that needs to be addressed, such as a communication breakdown or a lack of trust? Children may lack trust and express their frustration through misbehavior when they feel unheard or their needs are not met.

Once you’ve identified the problem, it’s time to explore how to be a better parent without yelling by brainstorming possible solutions. Encourage your child to be a part of this process, and make sure to consider their input. 

Remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. What works for one child may not work for another. However, relying on positive discipline practices could bring the best results.

👉Learn how to discipline a child without hitting and yelling today from our article. Start by setting clear rules and consequences and persevere in your undertaking with all the other pieces of advice our experts in parenting prepared for you. 

After you’ve generated a list of possible solutions, evaluate each one. For instance, when a child misbehaves, parents who yell too much can redirect their attention to a different activity or task to distract them from their negative behavior. This can help the child to channel their energy into something positive and productive, boosting their self-esteem and reducing frustration. Redirecting their attention can be a helpful tool for screaming parents in dealing with a child’s misbehavior, especially when punishment or negative consequences may not be effective.

Finally, implement the best solution on how to stop yelling at your kids. Make sure to communicate your decision to them and explain why you’ve chosen this solution. Remember your motivation to stay calm and patient throughout the process, to try to be a better parent, and be open to adjusting your approach if necessary.

2. Positive Communication Techniques

Active listening can get toddlers to cooperate without yelling

If you want to learn how to stop yelling at your kids, it’s important to develop effective communication techniques. These are essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships, particularly between parents and their children.

Active Listening 

Active listening is a crucial component of healthy communication and can help you stop yelling at kids. It involves giving your full attention to the child, using nonverbal cues to show understanding, and clarifying the message to ensure comprehension. 

By actively listening, parents can demonstrate that they value their child’s thoughts and feelings. In its turn, this can enhance the parent-child relationship and helps you see how to get kids to listen without yelling.


Empathy is another equally important communication skill. It makes you recognize and understand another person’s emotions, even if you don’t agree with them. 

By empathizing, parents can show that they care about their child’s feelings and experiences. This can foster trust, understanding, and connection.


Another essential aspect of effective communication is validation. It involves acknowledging and accepting a person’s emotions and experiences. 

When doing so, parents show that they respect their child’s perspective. Children feel supported, heard, and understood. This can lead to improved communication and a stronger parent-child bond.

Overall, you can use any or all of these communication techniques to practice how to stop yelling at your kid and start listening. By doing so, you can facilitate a better understanding between your kids and yourself, which ultimately leads to reduced conflict.

3. Self-regulation

When you yell at your child and have a hard time controlling your own feelings, you may unwillingly model unhealthy behavior for your family or escalate a situation. Taking a step back, pausing to breathe, and reflecting on your thoughts can help prevent an emotional outburst. By choosing to regulate their own emotions first, parents can become better equipped to stop yelling at kids.

Numerous studies have explored the effectiveness of mindfulness interventions for parents as a parenting strategy. Mindfulness practices involve becoming present and aware of one’s thoughts and feelings. Taking deep breaths before responding and practicing positive self-talk can also be helpful in managing emotions and reactions. With practice, you can calm down faster and learn how to stop yelling at your kids.

4. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of one’s physical and emotional health is crucial for maintaining a positive and effective parenting style. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and performing regular exercise are important for both physical and mental well-being. This can help parents regulate their own emotions and reactions, reducing the likelihood of responding to their child in a negative way.

👉Are you looking to enhance your parenting skills and create a harmonious environment for your family? Dive into the fascinating world of parenting styles and discover the impact they have on your child’s development. Our article, “What Are the Different Parenting Styles,” explores various approaches and their effects on children’s behavior, emotions, and overall well-being.

In addition, it is essential for parents to make time for activities they enjoy. Making time for hobbies, or spending time with friends, can help reduce stress and increase feelings of fulfillment. 

Too many parenting tips focus on how to make children happy, leaving parents at the bottom of the list. However, prioritizing self-care can ultimately lead to a healthier and happier family dynamic, with benefits for each family member. So start taking better care of yourself first and see how fast you’ll understand how to stop yelling at your kids.

5. Positive Reinforcement

Positive reinforcement can be a powerful tool to encourage good behavior and promote a positive relationship between parents and children. Positive reinforcement usually involves rewarding and praising children when they behave appropriately.

Contrary to general belief, when done correctly, praising does not spoil children. Parents should refrain from offering empty praise like “good job” or “well done”. This kind of praise has no value when used frequently. 

Effective praise should be specific and meaningful, acknowledging the child’s effort and accomplishments. This is especially important for parents who yell too much, as their communication style can impact the effectiveness of praise. Instead of resorting to yelling, parents can utilize positive reinforcement techniques that highlight specific aspects of the child’s actions or behavior. For instance, rather than saying “good job” after a task, you can say, “I’m proud of you for putting in the time and effort to complete this task so well.”

The way you offer rewards is also important. Rewards must spark internal motivation. For example, rewards can be a special activity based on children’s interests, a favor or extra time for a favorite hobby, not necessarily a material object. This works really well with younger children who are often more focused on experiences and spending time with loved ones than on material possessions.

Encouraging internal motivation is a critical aspect of positive reinforcement. Parents can help their children develop a sense of pride in their accomplishments by praising their efforts, rather than just the outcome. Focusing on the process rather than the result can help children develop a growth mindset and a willingness to take on challenges.

This positive dynamic can have long-lasting effects. It can contribute to a positive parent-child relationship and decrease the occurrence of yelling at your kids.

Actionable Tips to Help You Avoid Yelling

Patient parenting is easily developed in a calm environment

Pausing before resorting to yelling can be a challenging but worthwhile goal for parents who want to learn how to stop yelling when angry. Creating a calm and peaceful home environment can help set the stage for healthy communication and problem-solving.

Parents can try using soothing music, dim lighting, or aromatherapy to create a relaxing atmosphere. Additionally, setting realistic expectations for both themselves and their children can help reduce frustration and prevent unnecessary conflict. 

Establishing clear boundaries and consequences for misbehavior can also be effective, as children thrive on structure and routine. Parents can consider using techniques such as positive reinforcement and time-outs to encourage desired behavior and discourage bad behavior.

In addition to these strategies, taking care of oneself as a parent is essential to avoid yelling at your kids. Parents can benefit from seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to manage stress and emotions. By prioritizing self-care, parents can better regulate their own reactions and model healthy behavior for their children.


Most experts agree yelling should be avoided as a disciplinary tool. Yelling and harsh parenting can negatively affect a child’s emotional and psychological development. This can manifest in various ways, including changes in brain structure and function.

The first step towards understanding how to stop yelling at your kids is pausing before addressing your child’s misbehavior. Second, maintaining a positive parenting without yelling style involves taking care of one’s physical and emotional health by practicing good self-care. Finally, effective communication techniques are important for building and maintaining healthy parent-child relationships.

It can be tough to stop shouting at your child and find a better way to communicate. We’re here to help. Based on the latest research and academic facts, we bring you valuable resources, live webinars, articles and a tailor made programme to make you feel confident in your approach to getting kids to listen without hitting and yelling. Our children deserve the best possible start in life – one filled with love, understanding, and effective communication. Join us for our free masterclass, “How to Stop Yelling at Kids”, where you’ll discover practical techniques and proven methods to create a harmonious and nurturing environment for your family.


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Patrick Ney
Lead Trainer at All About Parenting
Patrick Ney

Patrick Ney is a Neurodevelopmental Specialist who has been working with parents at All About Parenting for 5 years. He is husband to Maja and father to 2 beautiful daughters, Zofia and Mia. Patrick joined All About Parenting, determined to become a better parent before becoming a Certified Trainer. To date, he has run over 1000 workshops, events, and masterclasses for more than 100,000 parents.

Patrick is certified in a range of other methodologies, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Solution Focused Brief Therapy, and the HANDLE Methodology for neurodiverse children. He is a Certified DIR Floortime Practitioner and has been described as a ‘natural born play therapist.’ Patrick bases his work with parents on neuroscience, studying Applied Neuroscience at the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology & Neuroscience at King’s College London. Patrick has appeared as a TEDx speaker, and his first book, ‘The Storm: How To Stop Shouting At Your Kids’ will be published in Autumn 2022.

But more than anything else, Patrick is a father. His love for his daughters has led him on a journey to being a better dad for his girls and sharing that story with other parents. His work inspires thousands of parents to start learning parenting, and he shares both his successes and his many failures.

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